This is going to get me into trouble. I know this going in. It might cause the loss of a facebook friend and piss a few people off who choose to ignore the bigger picture and focus on the judgmental part, I know this. I accept this. I just can't help myself.
I'm going to break with a self-imposed rule and hijack a friend's Facebook status for the sake of my own selfish blogging. Today I read this: "So the whole way home from school today~ (insert child's name) was telling the little boy i babysit for~all about God. "You gotta sing songs to God because he loves you and he will never not love you." "You have to spread God's word to other people cause he wants you to know him." "You gotta study the Bible cause its his book and you can learn about him." TALK ABOUT TEARING UP, I LOVE MY BABY BOY!" All of this, except for the insert child's name part is directly taken from a friend's status.
I found this horrifying. Don't get me wrong, I think it is sweet that one child was instructing the other. I love the child believed enough to want to share. I can even appreciate that all involved believed that this was a 100% positive experience. All good. Except, is it? To read this in a positive light one must assume that the child being babysat is being raised by equally Christian parents who desire nothing more than than that their child be educated by friends in Christian beliefs. So that's all good, right? Or maybe not?
This strikes me as a perfect opportunity to educate a child about diversity. Not everyone that these kids meet is going to be Christian. So why not use this as an opportunity to affirm that yes, these are our beliefs, but do you know what other cultures might believe? Let's talk about Judaism, atheism, Islam, Buddhism, etc. This is a great chance to discuss the fact that not everyone thinks or believes the same thing and that just because some people believe something different does not make them unworthy of our respect. So maybe instead of trying to influence some unsuspecting parents' child when they are not around to approve or disprove, we use it to teach tolerance and diversity. Right?
I kind of found this FB status shocking and disappointing. I believe my friend to be a good person and a good parent, but even so, I find this incredibly short-sighted and almost negligent. It's okay to teach your child exactly what you think, it would be naive to expect otherwise, but to allow that narrow world view to reach out to another child when you may or may not have knowledge of what that child's parents desire, is a bit tragic in my opinion. Why do we constantly assume that it's okay to inflict our beliefs on others? Why is advocating a narrow worldview better than educating an actual worldview. It is a big world with diverse cultures, beliefs, religions, non-religions, and politics. I'm not saying you shouldn't teach your kids what you believe, I just want us all to recognize for a second that "we" does not include everyone else. What you believe is not what I believe or Susan believes, or Muhammad believes, or Althea believes. Please, let's just take a moment to breathe and to respect that "we" is not "all" and that it is okay to acknowledge and to respect the "other." Just think, and for God's sake if that's what you believe, open your eyes to the world and not just your space in it.
I want to add here that I understand I may be jumping the gun here. It is entirely possible that my friend and this child's parents are close friends who go to the same church and share the same views on religion. I am generalizing for the sake of my point and I do not want to misconstrue the facts, because the simple truth is that I know nothing for sure. I am just hypothesizing and I admit that.
About Me
- Ame.
- Charlotte, NC, United States
- My brain never stops and whatever I think tends to come out of my mouth. This daily blog helps me to channel those things maybe better left unsaid to a forum that you can read by choice and I can call them how I see them. Join me each day as I debate the political, social, personal and the ridiculous . . . mostly with myself. Life is full of crazy shit, I just happen to be one of those people that both notice and comment.
For the most part, it has been my experience in 14 years as a parent that the ONLY topic that qualifies for a pass when it comes to boundaries between families and the protection of a child from personal propaganda is this one. Evidently, some followers of Jesus believe that prosthelytizing in his name is worthy of extreme efforts, going out on a limb that may very well break, and getting in the last word no matter how rude it is, or how old the intended target is. Eternal life is at stake, and pushing too far is a holy expression of Love. Tracks in the Halloween bag and 'free babysitting' at Vacation Bible School are Convert-Your-Neighbors 101.
ReplyDeleteAnother example of this extreme and blindly intrusive dissemination of personal rightness in our society would be the equivalent of PETA throwing blood on unsuspecting people just because they were dressed in the skin of another animal. That's a blood bath no one deserves (well, just simply wearing a coat..some assholes deserve a lot worse irrelevant to the fabric of their lives, but it is a traumatizing experience that probably doesn't win any crusaders for PETA)
And most people who feel strongly enough about Jesus (great guy, btw) to willfully ignore the rules of respect for another child's innocence are fairly easy to spot, and therefore avoidable in the carpool connection meeting.
I feel strongly about animal rights, environmental responsibility and global sustainability. And as a parent, I will indoctrinate my own children with any legal or illegal technique that might be effective: waterboarding, emotional manipulation and repeated viewings of Meet Your Meat are a good start.
But when someone else's child is at my house, and requests a hamburger, I'd either go and get one for them, or do my best to make them feel as comfortable with the choices we do have available. And never a thought of judgement passes my conscious or my lips toward that child or that family. And if my little girls try to explain why we don't eat meat, I silence them and remind them that they DO eat meat at school sometimes, and if they think I don't know that, they are full of shit.
But when you leave a child in the care of others, it's an inherent window into a another persons culture, priorities and energy. And you can't close it completely. And that's ok. That's why we pick our friends in awareness. Your child might not hear my lecture of HFCS, or learn about Jesus, but they did hear the word "shit". Oops.
i think it's a pretty big leap from 'two kids talking in the backseat' to 'their parents have'nt told them that other people have different religions or no religion'.
ReplyDeleteaside from all that you mention in the final paragraph, i think everything hinges on the ages and of the kids. before a certain level of development, for all intents and purposes, there is no outside world. for example, if your kid just started taking piano lessons, and i teach them about how trumpets and tenor sax read the same music (transposed a major 2nd from concert), but it's different than alto sax (major 6th) or flute which reads the same notes but transposed an octave above the way a piano reads music... this is goobldy gook to them. but if this and other information is given when they're ready for it, then it puts them on a path of leadership and excellence. (i grew up a musical agnostic, i couldn't read music and wasn't sure if i wanted or needed to :P )
i ain't mad at'cha, but let me explain both in a way i hope you enjoy and in the language you speak most fluently, sarcasm. "yes johnny, that's a birdie, and that's a kitty, and that's a puppy. i think it's about time that i taught you about comparative anatomy."
btw, aside from a handful of essentials, people who go to the same church don't necesarily have the same views on religion anymore than they have the same view of politics.
keep up the good work!
@coll
ReplyDeleteyou're right about the proselytizing, and it's well meaning but rude to do an end run around parents who have the authority over a child's development. proselytizing goes both ways though. how many kids are singled out for believing in God?
@ gruvawn, I'm not saying one child was actually intent on brainwashing the other, I'm fairly certain this was an example of a sweet, well-meaning child sharing what he/she has learned. Still, it is up to the adult in the situation (and there was one present) to open it up and clarify that this is simply what our family believes and what we do. No reason to make the other child feel left out, confused, or self-conscious if he or she has been taught differently or not instructed at all.
ReplyDeleteFor me it comes down to core values and ethics and while I believe we should all be taught every available opinion/option and then choose for ourselves based on what speaks to us, the reality is that children are children and issues such as religion, politics and sex ed are personal and every parent I know prefers that they be the ones to instruct their children in such closely held belief systems, not teachers, TV, strangers, or friends.
Finally, as to your last comment, really? Do you think children are "singled out for believing in God"? Did I read that right? There is no atheist on the planet running around telling children God is a myth. And yes I make a bold statement in saying NO. Atheists are free thinkers and open-minded. We're not out to disparage other belief systems, we just want others to stop treading all over ours. Common courtesy should not simply be something we used to teach two decades ago.