Day 51: No Fear

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." Sounds pretty good. It's a great moment in history and whoever the speechwriter was (no I did not take the ten seconds it would require to look that fact up on wiki) he created history with that line. As adults, however, it's just not that easy. We have plenty to fear and one could argue that it would be almost irresponsible if we ignored those things. This line was intended towards a particular topic, but I hear it repeated and echoing in my own head, in reference to a dozen different things. I used to think I was fearless, but it turns out that was a lie. I'm terrified every day.

Several years back in the ocean off the coast of Delaware where we spent a wonderful weekend with friends, my husband admired the fact that despite my fear of the water and the brutal, waves kicking everyone's ass that day, I kept going back for more despite being afraid. That is the person I see myself as being, but it's just not true. Fear holds us back and I feel like sometimes it even propels you forward into decisions you otherwise would never make.

I saw a sticker on the back of car today that said "No Fear." It looked kind of like the Christian fish stickers, but it was yellow. For all I know it could be the name of a band or a snowboarding company. I'm not hip enough to know these things, but I do know that I want to have no fear, or at least to get back my ability to look it straight on and defy it.

This is going to be the year of me. The year I try things as I wrote in a blog earlier in this new year and the year I stop letting fear dictate who I love and what I do. So what if I run a 5K slower than my Grams could walk it, that doesn't mean I shouldn't still give it a try. Karaoke? I hate it. Mostly because I can't sing, but also because as much as I like to be an attention whore, I prefer it to be for something that does not cause me to make an ass out of myself. But so what? This year I vow to get up on stage and sing a solo at some point. I may even flash my boobs or moon someone with my cellulite. There are tons of things that other people routinely do, from which I have abstained.

My greatest fear is looking like an ass, which is pretty funny considering how often I act like one.  I am also afraid of failing and though I've racked up quite an impressive list of failures thus far, there are still plenty of items left to try that could very well end up in that mounting pile. So I'm going to give them a go. I believe we have more to fear than just fear itself, but since when is fear ever a good enough reason to not do something? Musicians and actors might fear the stage. Police and firefighters might fear doing their jobs. Moms the world over fear they will fail their children. Our military troops fear injury or death in the face of war, but yet they all still do what they must. They have fear, because fear is not the enemy, the enemy is in letting that fear win.

So while I cannot exactly let out a battle cry of "no fear" and mean that I'm never going to be scared of something, I believe I can live a life in which no fear stops me from doing what I need or want to do. No fear. Life will continue to happen whether I'm involved in it or not, but it's never going to be as rewarding if I'm limiting myself to the sidelines. Yes, I'm terrified, but no fear will stop me!