Day Four: I Don't Really Have One of Those Faces

I don't exactly know what it is, but I've come to realize that there is a segment of the population that wants to know me. They want to talk to me, tell me their problems, ask me out, be my friend and just basically be around me. This probably sounds like a good thing to most of you. We are naturally a community driven society. People like people and being around other people. This would all be well and good, except there is also an entire segment of the population that has met me and decided they never want to speak to, hear from, or see me again. So how is it that I am both irresistible and detestable at the same time?

I get the detestable part. I am a woman of very vocal opinions. I am not shy about saying what I think or telling you to go jump off a bridge if you're annoying me. I've had lifelong friends suddenly cut me out and while it hurts, it is also a learning experience and a cautionary tale for those of us with opinions and mouths to express them. So I get that. Also, I'm not really a huge fan of a lot of people. They're loud and rude and ignorant and want to talk when I just want them to shut up. Basically, I'm not a people person. I'm an issue person. If I meet you at a party I am completely unprepared for small talk about the weather or the food at the party. What I can talk about is atheism vs. religion, healthcare, abortion, war, terrorism, welfare, etc. I'm an issue girl and that tends to turn people off, so why is it that there also seems to be a large segment of people I meet that cannot get enough of talking to me.

Do I really seem like the kind of person that gives a shit about your mundane existence. If you're a friend sure, but if I don't even know your name, why do you assume I want to know your life story? I do not have one of those faces. My Mother had one of those faces and people would tell her everything and she would listen and care and advise or commiserate and it was lovely. I'm not my Mother. My first word was "down" and I'm guessing my second was "no." In other words, I'm just not super user friendly.

Still, I meet people who want to chat me up, to tell me things, to be my friend despite knowing me for all of sixty seconds. What the hell is that about? I admit to finding it very flattering. I cannot deny the part of myself that wishes to be more charming and engaging. However, as much as I wish for it, the reality never fails to remind me that to be charming, you have to give a shit and I just don't. At least not always. There are complete strangers who will tell me something about their life or family and for whatever reason I am suddenly drawn in and tearing up at the thought of anything bad ever happening to these wonderful people, but still, that is the exception and not the rule.

I think it odd that there are people in the world who exist without ever making a strong impact either way. I love that I make an impression. Bad or good, I'm not one of those people that are easy to ignore or to forget. I like that about myself, but what continues to amaze me is that I can be both simultaneously. Some people want to forget me and others cannot stop chasing me. I appreciate the loyalty and faith, but I'm not that great of a friend. I can give you a list of references to prove it. I want to be better, turns out, I'm just not that great at being anything other than me.