A good friend I have known my entire life has cancer, worse, she's had cancer for quite a while and it keeps fading with treatment, then coming back. She's spent a great deal of time in hospitals or feeling worse than most of us realize is possible. Thing is, this isn't even the worst thing that's ever happened to her. She was born with three holes in her heart (if I am remembering correctly), two of which were surgically repaired when she was very young and the third they could not operate on so she lived with it. This is a woman who has had more struggles in less than forty years than most people who die of old age. The most remarkable thing is that she somehow remains positive and sees the good in her life as blessings. I don't, and if I have read one more person post some nonsense about trusting God and letting "Him" take care of her, I'm going to drive halfway across the country to beat their asses in person.
It's not that I cannot respect a person's faith. I think it's lovely despite my own atheism. What I have a problem with, is that these people never tire of saying such things and yet it would seem that not one of them questions the fact that their God who is supposed to take care of her, is then also responsible for the fact that she's suffered most of her life. What kind of Stockholm Syndrome is this wherein those suffering at the hands of one entity are then expected to trust blindly in the same entity for help? I want to support your rights to believe just as I want to believe that my friend can be magically cured supernaturally. Problem is, I think you're all fucking lunatics.
Seriously? I know you're seriously ill and have been for a long time, but trust in God and he'll make it all better? Really? Where the hell is this make it all better dude at now, when she's actually sick? And what do you mean by making it better? Death? Drug-induced haze? Scientific cure (whispered by an angel into the ear of some researcher)?
To believe that some God is going to be make it all better means she has to believe that the same God thought it was perfectly fine to let most of us have perfectly good health and then to screw her over, not once, but multiple times throughout the course of her life. Why would you even want to believe in that kind of a God? He sounds like an asshole.
I get that religion teaches you that God works in mysterious ways and not to question him, but give me a break! Can you imagine any other scenario where someone would tell you to believe in something and to never question it, regardless if there are no benefits and no proof? I am getting off track here and I want to remain perfectly focused on the one core issue: that all those healthy people telling my friend to put her faith and trust in God don't know jack shit about suffering.
The funny thing is, my friend is a believer and she manages somehow to continue to smile and to believe in the goodness of life. I'm the one that's angry about it. Stop telling her that a magical creature is going to make it better, if this magical being existed then she either wouldn't be in this situation, or he'd be a real douchebag for needlessly making someone suffer when he plans "to make it all better" anyway. Can't we just recognize that sometimes bad things happen to people and it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a God? She got sick. I didn't. That's not God, that's coincidence and dumb luck. It could have been any one of us, but it's her and God didn't cause it, nor will he/she/it fix it.
Words of comfort do not need to invoke your unicorn magic. Tell her she's in your thoughts, that you're sending positive energy her way, that she's an amazing woman and doesn't deserve . . . tell her anything, but don't ask her to pretend what's happening isn't a raw deal. It sucks. What she's had to endure is unfair and it sucks. Hopefully, she will get better and that beautiful spirit will flourish for a long, long time, but that's not God either, that's medicine and the body doing its job.
I'm not telling anyone not to believe or pray or go to church. I'm just asking that before you mindlessly try to give comfort with words of supernatural beings who apparently have the power to make it better, but just haven't gotten around to it yet or decided you're not worth of healing, that you try a different approach. She's the one who's enduring, who's fighting, who still manages to smile and ask how other people are. She works, she has friends, a family, a whole life that she spends time working on, while so many of us would throw up our hands and say "why me?" Give her a little credit for what she's lived through and is living with, and with such grace and poise it makes me admire her beyond what I can express here.
This is her fight and as much as I wish someone or something could take the burden from her, the reality is that it's not going to happen. There is no magic, there is treatment and hard days, and a lifetime of always wondering what's lurking around the corner. So by all means pray, but do not ask this fighter to give it up and to place herself in the hands of God or faith. She's alive because she fights and if turns out that you're right and her ability to fight is a gift from God, he/she/it still doesn't want her to give up and live by faith alone. Wherever she came by her strength, that is her safety net and that's where we should all put our faith. Trust in that strength and believe that you can get through anything, not because of God, but because you are just that strong and just that worth it.
About Me
- Ame.
- Charlotte, NC, United States
- My brain never stops and whatever I think tends to come out of my mouth. This daily blog helps me to channel those things maybe better left unsaid to a forum that you can read by choice and I can call them how I see them. Join me each day as I debate the political, social, personal and the ridiculous . . . mostly with myself. Life is full of crazy shit, I just happen to be one of those people that both notice and comment.
I'm speechless. Thank you. Much of what you said here is what I am feeling.
ReplyDeleteI do believe, but I also know that I am the one that has to fight. I am the only person that can beat this. I welcome all prayers, positive thoughts, whatever. I Respect everyones point of view. I am fighting and will always fight, but you are right, I definable have frustrating days. Sometimes it is nice to have someone say "you a such a fighter, keep it up". I feel like it sort of validates the fact that they realize I am the one in pain. I truly do appreciate the prayers, I pray myself. I DO believe, but I am also very thankful for positive energy from strong people such as yourself! I am very thankful to have you as a friend, you alwas have been able to say things at the right time in your way thy really help me. Thank you!
Between autocorrect on my phone and the pain meds that response is a doozy. Oh well, you get my point. <3
ReplyDeleteAme. You know you are one of my favorite people, and the fact that I am frustrated right now means that you did your job. Your words created thoughts and emotions that cause me to rethink my own belief system.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I want to punch you in the face right now. And not for my own benefit, but for yours. Your refusal to acknowledge the existence of forces and powers that can not be seen or scientifically proven, or have faith and trust that experiences and circumstances are not inherently good or bad, punishment or reward. There are two complete and deep sides to everything with every shade of the rainbow inbetween. You can't have light without darkness, life without death, love without pain, success without failure or meaning without nonsense.
Nobody can make you believe anything. So sit there with your fingers in your ears, and your eyes shut and shout until you are hoarse that you will never believe in God. But your view of those that do is condescending and appears to lack a fundamental understanding of the vast array of unique belief systems and how they effect the lives of those that hold them.
Sometimes, you tell me to knock it off with the pollyanna positivity and be honest. And I don't understand why you don't accept that I can be both. I AM a very happy person, partially because I BELIEVE that I can choose happiness and peace in ANY situation. So, sometimes I make the choice to behave and speak in a way that sends a message to my brain to calm the hell down. I believe the brain, body and soul are all connected. If one gets out of whack, you simply access peace through a different portal.
So, my friend, if all the anger and in-depth processing of actions and emotions makes you happy (or is at least satisfying to you), then scream and punch away. But that is your CHOICE. Like Shauna said yesterday, though, not all of us have the TIME to sift through the minutia of every thought and action. Nor do we want to. I don't like to be miserable, after a few hours, I find it exhausting. So I just stop being miserable and move forward, if only for a few hours. Problems exist, but I prefer to focus on the good shit.
Those of us who pray/meditate, and believe in a higher power and purpose are not simple-minded and crazy. Those of us that believe that the good and the bad...and downright shitty things in life are part of our souls journey to healing and consciousness are not supersticious assholes. Those of us that KNOW that we are loved and guided in our physical lives by forces unseen by Ame are not mindlessly ignoring the strength it takes an individual to fight cancer, death of a loved one or any other physical tragedy. I just happen to believe that tapping into that strength requires a little faith that it's worth it in the end.
Why fight your whole life to live (especially if you are so sick)? when we are all going to die anyway? What would be the point? I believe and know that there IS a point. Thank God.
You've proven my point Colleen. I do believe life is neither black nor white. We live in the shades of gray, which I am prone to frequently say, but the insistence that your God is the only possibility cuts off those rainbows of color you speak of and my shades of gray. I do not believe, but I entertain the possibility of all things. It is my belief system that is more accepting, more open, more welcoming. God forces you to say only that you KNOW He exists and that colors every part of your life. It forces you to say that there can be no other possibility. I am never forced to do or think or assert any belief, because that is my point, you get to believe whatever you want, but I don't have to and I don't want to. I am not forcing my belief system on anyone, why should the religious feel it is okay to do the opposite.
ReplyDeleteWe fight, not because of a God, but because it is a primal instinct. Fight or flight has nothing to do with religion, every animal as the same instinct and I've never seen a squirrel in church. I see beauty in all things and as much as I have tried to share that with you, you refuse to accept it. I feel the breeze, hear the rustle of the trees, see the vibrant colors of Fall and know there is goodness and purity in the world, not because of a God, but because I believe people are inherently good. My beauty, my goodness, my sense of ethics come from a pure place and that, my friend is what true spirituality is about. My world is not dark, or sad, or angry though I am able to feel those feelings in addition to the joy. I simply see and feel all things, all shades, all possibilities. I ask that you and those like you open yourselves up and yet you insist that what I ask is for you to close something off.
Until you open yourself up and understand that I can be both a non-believer in the supernatural and still accept and see beauty and goodness and life in the world around me, we will never truly be able to understand one another. I came from a place of Christian faith and religious spirituality, it is not unfamiliar to me or unknown. I simply moved past it and chose a different belief system in which nature, both environmental and human, are worth believing in.
I don't consider myself religious...at all. Though I participate in some organized religion for cultural and community relationships, I have no problem with anyone's belief system. Yours included. I don't think we are that far apart in our belief systems, save one difference. I believe there is a purpose and a path for each of us that in divinely inspired. I need not argue with any other words, and semantics of religions drive me as crazy as they make you. I don't even want to participate.
ReplyDeleteI want you to be happy. You've called me out for standing in my own way. I don't want you to believe anything except you are loved.
My concept of "God" is much looser than it seems you perceive. That is what I am saying. I too am open to all possibilities and explanations. The Truth is much bigger than any human story or dogma. The only Truth I KNOW FOR SURE is that there is one. And it doesn't care what you call it, how you access it or even if you believe it exists. It doesn't need to be explained. It simply...IS.
ReplyDeleteWhy so angry Ame? Shari is the one fighting and yet she still believes, she is frustrated but is still comfortable with what lies ahead, she loves you even though you openly put down her belief system. I'm not one to comment on another's blog, but the anger you display and the willingness to debate without truly knowing your competition drew me in. Your very open about your atheism though you really don't have a solid argument to back your point, calling god a "douschbag" doesn't give you any credibility. You stated you came from a religious family but you seem to have very little knowledge of the subject you debate against...I have to question if you actually read the book that you so adamantly disagree with?
ReplyDeleteBrooks, I'm glad you commented, that's kind of the point. It's not anger, it's sarcasm, but I get that someone who doesn't know me wouldn't pick up on that since context in writing isn't always very discernible. I actually do know a lot about various religious faiths and the argument I'm making here isn't to prove or disprove atheism or God, it's a very specific rant about a friend and several posts on her Facebook page that I read. I have actually articulated my religious viewpoints many times in my other blogs, most notably the original 365 Days of Ame. This one was really more frustration than anything else, but thanks for your input. It's cool you read it. Feel free to read all my annoying, self-absorbed and pointless rants and comment all you want. I don't mind the discussion or disagreement. That is what keeps us all striving for more knowledge in life.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I do have to point out that if we're going to debate credibility, you might want to spell "douchebag" correctly when quoting me. Cheers.
Fair enough, ill go back and try to find your previous blog to get your point before making another opinion. Your correct, I did not pick up the sarcasm in your post. And that whole spelling of "douschbag" thing...funny though my freaking phone keeps auto correcting it!
ReplyDelete