Day Three: Does this X-Ray Make My Ass Look Fat?

This week the debate over the so-called "naked scan" machines currently in use at over 60 United States airports really heated up. Advanced imaging technology, or AIT, uses two different types of machines. There are millimeter and backscatter machines and the question of their safety and privacy is a very hotly contested item. Some say the backscatter machines use small amounts of radiation that could potentially cause cancer, while others say the amount is so minute that a passenger can experience 5000 such scans a year before safety might become a concern.

The other questionable item, and for many it is the more important item, is the AIT machine's ability to create an almost naked-like image. Do you want airport security to see what is between you and your Calvins? I did a little research including TSA's own site and found that images of female genitalia are much less revealing below the belt than for men. In some images, the man's junk can be rather clearly seen and in a few videos posted by news outlets one can actually see it bouncing around. In the immortal words of Elaine Benes, "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things." I was embarrassed for the guys just watching the videos and I was at home.

I have been through the backscatter machine recently and though I found the process a bit humiliating, not nearly as much as the new "enhanced" pat downs are proving to be. There are reports from men of having said junk probed repeatedly to determine if they were hiding anything down there (men with big balls be advised) and women have said that their breasts were actually lifted to see if anything was being smuggled beneath them. I'm not sure what's more embarrassing, having someone actually lift my breast in full view of other passengers, or the idea that they could be so saggy as to be hiding a bomb underneath!

The best part about all this is that should you declare your TSA advised right to decline or "opt out" of the body scans, TSA agents are frequently described as yelling "opt out, we have an opt out here" as if trying to make the passenger look guilty of something. Then the pat-down, or groping, is conducted in front of the passengers still waiting in the security line. Some officials have anonymously admitted to using such tactics to try to encourage those still in line to go through the machines rather than opting out. Let's face it, we are a society of conformists so the idea of being singled out, pointed to publicly, and then basically getting to second base with a TSA employee is enough to make most opt for potential cancer.

The next time I fly I'm hoping to be selected for one of these machines again, because I am going to exercise my right to opt out, and I'm going to do so while wearing a mini skirt and no panties. If you're going to grope me, then I'm either going to enjoy it or take you down with me. This is a humiliating and largely unnecessary practice. A recent report by CBS News states that over 90 percent of Americans are on board with these machines, but you have to wonder how many of us have taken the times to really study the facts and understand that our "options" really just trade one sort of violating debasement for another? I am not a shy girl and the idea of someone in a secluded booth seeing semi-naked, faceless images of me doesn't really bother me, but the infringement on my rights does. You want to pat me down, fine, but you do not have the right to move my breasts or feel between my legs without at least buying me a drink first.

November 24 is national Opt-Out Day. If you plan to fly that day or any day, plan to "opt out" so the TSA and American government knows it is NOT okay to turn a security check into a sexual assault. And if you think I'm one of those uber-liberal I want my freedoms types you're actually wrong. While I do support the ACLU and a number of personal freedoms, I also believe that to be safe we have to make compromises. There is a limit however, especially when the technology and pat-downs are admittedly not fail-proof. So far, the TSA has been unable to unequivocally state that had the "underwear bomber" gone through one of these AIT scanners his bomb would have been detected. So if you can't distinguish between a man's junk and a bomb, then screw you, I'll take my chances. We all know there will be another terrorist attack on U.S. soil. It is ridiculous to think that another threat will never make it past our intelligence community and be successfully carried out. This doesn't mean we should just let everyone board planes without some strict security measures, but I'm not getting felt up or cancer when there is no clear evidence that either would have actually prevented terrorists that have already successfully made it onto planes.

And quite honestly, I'd rather walk past a cute female TSA agent naked in a private room than be groped through my clothes, publicly. You can look, but you don't get to touch and I'm really not down with getting cancer in exchange for your naked scan of me. That's not what I'd call a fair trade-off.