I took a day off from blogging to decide how to proceed. Day 44 kind of surprised me. Realizing that I am no longer in search of myself, that I have actually known myself all along through a monkey wrench into my plan. It's somewhat difficult to write a daily blog about a journey I am no longer taking, so the question became, what now?
Today I have the answer. This blog is not going to be about finding myself anymore, it's going to be about living with myself. Learning to accept and to be a better me. I've tried being nice and less cynical in the past and it usually lasts only until I get cut off in traffic or someone let's their children run wild in a bar while I'm trying to watch football (why, by the way, are children allowed in bars in NC?). This time, however, I'm going to make it my daily focus. It's not enough to know you're a good person, you have to live that life. I'm not making any grand promises to stop being pessimistic or sarcastic, but if I want to learn to forgive and accept myself for my many failings, then I'll have to also be willing to do the same for others.
None of us are perfect beings. While it may be impossible to change one's nature, I believe it is possible to lessen the negative aspects and to enhance the positives of that nature. So that will be the drive behind the next 321 days. How can I see the world more holistically? How can I be more comfortable with being me? How can I give into the kinder, gentler side of myself?
This is not to say, of course, that I will not continue to be sarcastic and snarky at times. Let's face it, some of these asshats absolutely need to be called for their shit. All in all, however, my journey isn't going to be about judging them, it's going to be more about living with me. It's time that I stop running from who that "me" is and learn to live with and as her. I used to be a very honest person, painfully honest at times, but lately I've failed in that regard. I want to be honest again and to live an authentic life. The only way I know how to do that is to be present in that life and stop viewing everything from some judgmental prism that never reflects back onto me.
I'm just me afterall, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
About Me
- Ame.
- Charlotte, NC, United States
- My brain never stops and whatever I think tends to come out of my mouth. This daily blog helps me to channel those things maybe better left unsaid to a forum that you can read by choice and I can call them how I see them. Join me each day as I debate the political, social, personal and the ridiculous . . . mostly with myself. Life is full of crazy shit, I just happen to be one of those people that both notice and comment.
Good on you Ame. I'm rooting for you.
ReplyDeleteThe unhappiest times in my life have always been the times that I found myself more focused on judging others. It wasn't until I made a concerted effort to look within for happiness that I found it.
It's not always easy. Honestly, cheesy sounding things like finding something each day to be thankful for made a big difference.
And smiling. Don't underestimate the power of smiling. It does have an effect on how you view things, and how people interact with you.
Here's to a better 2011. Take care.
How you view yourself is ultimately how other's view you. We show people how we want to be viewed and treated.
ReplyDeleteHow you view others is a reflection of the judgements you make on yourself, so it's useful to notice reactions you have to other people. The type of people you are attracted to probably reflect the best parts of yourself. And the asshats you want to knockout push an internal button that is sensitive for some reason.
Learning to love, forgive and accept yourself is the first step in loving, forgiving and accepting others.